I decided to try this blogging thing so please be patient with me as I navigate through this new world. I very recently had to make the hardest decision I have ever made in my life and it has weighed on me heavily. After being gone from Instagram for a while I decided to hop back on and first picture I saw was extremely, well hopeful. I had always dreamt of making a very big move, as in moving states away but never took that jump. My blog will be about how I finally decided to take that jump, my journey as I move, and all the adventures I encounter after I have arrived. I would like to thank @sarahherron. You do not know me but you have given me all the inspiration needed to stop being scared and make my life what I want it to be. I look forward to sharing with you all! ❤️
So after I started this blog I posted two then disappeared…probably not the best thing to do while starting up a blog. I realized after having to make one of the hardest decisions in my life that I needed time. Time with my family, time with my friends, but mostly time with myself. Ending an engagement is a very big deal and making sure you are doing the right thing for yourself at times can be even harder. You may feel like you haven’t given it your all. You may worry that people around you will think you gave up too easily or that your reasons are silly. You may feel alone and like a failure. All these feelings you are having you have to make sure you take the time to work them out for yourself. While I’m still not all the way there and while I’m still having to work through some of those feelings I am starting to feel more like me again. You see after taking that time with family, friends, and for myself, I realized that I had lost who I was in that relationship. I gave all of myself to it, which is good, wonderful even, if you can do that without losing yourself. This is one thing I will need to figure out next time around because, I am, by nature, a giver but if you give all of you away you end up with nothing left to give, so always remember to take time for yourself to recharge, regroup, and just be. While I still hope for a big move to come I hope for happiness more, happiness where I am right now and hope that eventually that next great relationship I can move forward with the actual marriage with great confidence and great expectations for what we will accomplish together. That relationship has taught me more than all of my previous ones together. I have found out what are for sure deal breakers for me, deal breakers I never even knew about myself until now. I now know what to lead with in my next relationship and what to make known in the very beginning. Make known how I feel about certain things and what I absolutely have to have. I used to think that was a bad thing. Almost demanding, but now I realize it’s good. It’s good walking into a relationship knowing each other’s expectations and or limits. What is most important to you and to the other person may move things forward smoother. Be open, be honest in what you need. There is nothing wrong with that. And like I said I still have some things I need to work out before I can say OK I’m ready for love again I can say I am a better person today because of what I went through. I know I’m a tough cookie but I now know what I’m worth as well. This past relationship will forever be close to my heart and I will always be grateful for having known this man and will be forever grateful I had that time with him. He by no means is not a good man. He is a very good man and deserves all the happiness as much as I do. But, sadly, in the end what we needed from each other couldn’t be given to each other without losing who we were.
Here’s to a happier me.
After deciding I was finally going to take the jump I then had to decide on where to move. I have had 5 cities in my mind for years; Seattle, Portland, Washington DC, Los Angeles, and New York. For me, each of these have equal pros and cons and I don’t have the resources (money), to go visit each place and try it on for size so how do I decide where to go? I have always felt like I was missing something in my life but also always assumed it was a family. Well, I had one (this happens to be the hardest decision I have ever made in my life comment from first post), the boys were not mine but I loved them as if they were and they loved me. That is the role of a “stepmom” after all. However that feeling never completely went away. It can’t be just about the scenery. Wisconsin is absolutely a beautiful state. It can’t be just about the weather. Yes winters can be very rough here but I’ve always survived and found ways to enjoy them. So I somehow have to find what I’m missing, what I’m yearning for. How do I find that place that ends up really feeling like Home? I can only think of one. Apply for jobs like nobodies business and…hope I get calls for interviews and… hope one of those calls turns into an offer and… is also willing to wait while I move there. Sounds kind of crazy I know but that also is what taking a leap of faith is about right? I have been applying for jobs where I live now for months and have not had one place call me for an interview but in the same day I get a call for a job way on the West Coast. They cannot wait for me, understandably, but hey for me that was a great moment, that was just the boost I needed to believe what I was doing was right for me. That was one tiny step in the right direction. People do this every day, why can’t I be one of them?
So if any of you who start following my blog or even read this post have been through this yourself I would love to hear any tips you may have.
Below, proof Wisconsin really is a beautiful state. My view as I write to you all today.